Monday’s “run” (I say run because it is more like a walk/jog, it’s just easier to say run) was a difficult one. On my “Couch to 5K – 5k to 10K – 10K to Half Marathon” plan (yes it’s a thing, I made it up) I was scheduled for the following:

• 5 minute warm up walk

• 1 minute intervals alternating jogging and walking for 15 minutes total

• 5 minute cool down walk

Not much for you hard core runners out there, but this chick has to start at the very bottom and work all the way to the top. I’m not a runner, but I want to be. Right now I can walk at a decent pace. Not fast.

I was looking forward to it, as much as you can look forward to a run and then at about 4 pm, the sky’s flood gates opened up and it hailed. It rained. There was thunder and lightning involved. So of course, I complained about it on Facebook. Isn’t that what everyone does when they are annoyed? No, just me? Ok, anyways a friend of mine posted that some of his favorite runs were in the rain, and my brother in law also posted something similar. Huh? After I picked myself up off the floor out of shock that people actually enjoyed running in the rain I realized I am trying to make excuses for myself. Poor me, guess I can’t run cause water is falling from the sky I might melt and die. Get over yourself it’s not acid rain! I decided if I needed to, I would throw my phone in a plastic baggie and just do it. 

After work, some other things (like my husband and his movie theater watching) prevented me from going straight home and just getting it done. By the time I go home and changed clothes, I was battling the sun. It had stopped raining and I had about 20 minutes before the sun would go down so I got dressed as fast as I could and out the door I went.

My warm up I think I took a little fast, but it was cold and I was trying to warm myself up. By my 3^rd jogging interval, I was feeling it. My legs and hips were hurting. I couldn’t suck in enough air because it was so cold. I was struggling. I wanted to walk my jogging intervals but kept telling myself it’s one minute. Just do it. After I hit jogging interval #5, I hit a hill. My minute started at the bottom of the hill and it was all I could do to keep going up it. I was so close to giving up and just walking. That's when I started to cry. I was crying because everything hurt and I couldn’t breathe. I was crying because I was mad at myself because this little hill was defeating me. I was angry that I’d let myself get to a point that this hill was causing me this much difficulty. With my ugly cry going on I tried to listen to the music in my ears and ignore it.

Well it's going to take more, going to take more, going to take more than that to pull me under. This time it's goodbye trouble I feel the light at the end of this tunnel.  I get stronger with every step. Come hell - come high water You push on me I'm going to push back harder. I got a whole lot more than a little bit left. So don't put dirt on my grave just yet.

It was exactly what I needed to hear. It's gonna take a hell of a lot more to stop me from reaching my goals. I wasn't done and sure enough I did get stronger with every step. Maybe it's corny, but the right song can really pull you through so many situations and this one totally hit the mark.

After the push, I was literally on the downhill track back home. Shake Your Tailfeather by Nelly came on and I totally threw my arms up in the air and rapped the whole first half of the song out loud on the way home! I'm pretty sure the chick walking her dog across the street thought I'd totally lost it with mascara already streamed down my face as I am yelling out in my most white girl gangsta voice:

Now real girls get down on the floor.Get that money honey act like you know. Mama I like how you dance. The way you fit in them pants. Enter the floor take it low girl do it again. You know I love that, now where them girls at? Pop something move something. Shake ya tail feather.

     

I am.

It’s been a hot minute since I blogged. Oops. A lot has happened. Seahawks won the NFC Championship, and I was in the stadium when that happened. Dream come true fo'sho.

 I cried. Totally did.

Seahawks went to the Superbowl, and we prepped for the big game like champions.

Then the Seahakws won. Amazing. We got tickets to the homecoming rally and got to see them bring that big beautiful trophy home.

I got glasses.

I got my hurs did which always makes a chick feel fly (yes hurs, not hairs).

But probably the biggest thing that is happened is….I’ve decided this year is the year I run a half marathon. By the end of 2014, I will finish a half marathon, and for those of you who don’t know how long that is – it is thirteen point one freaking miles. When you are done laughing and peeing your pants, let this sink in. I’m SERIOUS.

I read a while back if your dreams and goals don’t scare the %$*@ out of you, you aren’t dreaming big enough. Trust me this dream reaches that level of terror in me, down to my very core. Many people have said I am crazy for wanting to do this, or I get told “why would you even want to run that?!” Well, here’s my answer:

To prove to myself that I can. Simple as that. There is a nasty little chick in my mind who loves to tell me I can’t. You can’t lose weight. You can’t run a mile. You’re not good enough. I’ve listened to her for way too long, pretty much my entire life. That chick is the old me. She is literally sobbing from laughing so hard at my goal of finishing 13.1 miles. She says that I can’t do it and is waiting with bated breath for when I throw my hands up and say it’s too hard. I quit.

At the same time, there is a little tiny voice that says, maybe just maybe, you can. Maybe you can run that mile. It’s not going to be easy, and you might be really slow, but maybe you can. Maybe you can lose the weight after all. It will take a while, and a ton of dedication, but maybe you can lose it. Maybe you ARE good enough. That’s the future me. I know deep down, when I stick to it, those maybes are going to turn into sure things and I will know without a doubt I can lose the weight. I can run a mile. Hell, I can run 13.1 miles!

I AM GOOD ENOUGH.