I hesitated even posting this entry because it is very personal... but it's my blog so here we go. There are many things that I struggle with, but the most prevalent one I would have to say would be weight. I have never been skinny. Even at my smallest I wasn't a size 4, I  was a size 10 (my collar bones stuck out horribly and I had a lot of muscle) but still not a size 4. In fact, I don't even WANT to be a size 4, because for me, I think I would look pretty ridiculous. However, I have decided now more than ever, I need to lose the weight.

In the past I have tried diet after diet, never sticking with it for more than a couple weeks because I become bored, or we go out to eat and instead of making a healthy choice, I decide to spoil myself because I have been good all week. Then, well while I am being bad - hell with it, lets order dessert. It is a slippery slope that I am aware of, yet every single time I seem to slide down and then give up because I have already ruined any progress I have made so far. In essence, I sabotage myself each time but am aware I am doing.... and I don't stop myself.



2002 on the left, 2010 on the right

When I look at that picture.....it kind of makes me sick. I don't even recognize myself... in either picture. I am so ashamed that I let myself get out of hand to such an extreme. Because of my weight, I now dislike things I used to love. I hate clothes shopping. I find myself buying a pair of shoes instead of the jeans I actually need, because why would I want to buy a pair of jeans with THAT size tag on it?  My shoes have stayed the same no matter how much I gain.  I almost once cut out the tag from an outfit because I was so ashamed... and that was after I cried in the dressing room (which seems to happen more and more every time I need a new piece of clothing). I despise going near any body of water in the summer time, because that means I will have to wear a bathing suit, and those scary pieces of spandex don't hide anything. In fact I have grown to dislike summer altogether  because I am embarrassed to wear shorts and tank tops because of my body! My weight gain has also affected my mental state.

My emotional well being is in shambles because I am so incredibly insecure about myself. I want to enjoy my life. I want to do so many things, and I have told myself I either can't because I am so out of shape or I am not deserving/good enough. We want to have children in the next couple of years. Not only do I need/want to be in shape to carry a child... but I don't want to be the lazy fat parent who sits around and does nothing and watch their children become the same. That is absolutely terrifying to me and I don't even have kids yet! I want to be out in the yard running with my children and taking them outdoors the way I grew up.

2011 will be the year. The year I get myself on track, emotionally and physically.

 I have so much to look forward to.

Let It Snow!

Bruce Wayne has never seen snow. Being born only this past February, he has never seen the beautiful white stuff that falls from the sky and transforms the neighborhood into something completely different and a little magical (at least that's what I think when it snows ha ha).  Right now, it is snowing at my house. It is not a heavy downpour, but a thick flurry if you want to call it that. It's not sticking either, but I have to drive to work tomorrow so that is cool with me.

* A slight disclaimer - I am aware Bruce is a dog and not my child. However, because I do not have a child, he is my furbaby...don't judge. :-) *

He wanted to go outside, so out we went!

At first, he didn't realize anything at all. Then, he started running around like a mad man trying to figure out what the white stuff was.

I think he enjoyed himself.

After a few minutes I got cold so we went inside. I was sitting on the couch wishing I had a fireplace when I stumbled across something in the Holiday ON Demand channel through Comcast. It is called Yule Log 2010. It plays instrumental Christmas music while showing a crackling fireplace.



Screenshot of Yule Log 2010

I did some more browsing and found a winter/forest snow shot  

And another fireplace, but this one does not play music. Just really loud crackling, which upset Bruce to no end for the 30 seconds it was on the TV.

So back to the Christmas music and Yule Log 2010 HD we went, and where we have stayed for the past 30 minutes.

Just a little note to John - I may be listening to Christmas music early, however as you will notice from the little pumpkins on the shelf and TV stand I am still in the "harvest" decorating theme....for now.  bwahahaha.

Viral Video Overload

I am not ashamed (even though I probably should be).... I love youtube videos that will either cause you to stare at the screen several seconds after the clip is over because you are in shock or laugh so hard you might pee your pants. My husband usually hears about videos first, and then shows them to me when he gets home. I've compiled some of my more recent favorites for your afternoon enjoyment. I think most have you have seen the majority of there, but here ya go!

Spicy Stuffed Bell Peppers

Ricky and I go out to eat too much. As a result, money is being thrown down the tube. I made a deal with myself that every night for the next two weeks I was going to attempt to make a homemade dinner for us without resorting to store bought/prepared dinners. Nothing wrong with those, I was just out to prove to myself I do have time after work and I can cook decent edible meals with what we have in the house.

My first attempt was steak fajitas, but it wasn't very fantastic was gross. Failure. Last night, Try # 2 was my own twist on stuffed bell peppers.

 In our house we rarely cook with ground beef anymore. We switched to ground turkey for the lower fat content, and if you cook it right, you don't really taste the difference! I actually started cooking with ground turkey well before I ever told Ricky what I was doing. I started out in spaghetti, and then after 3 or 4 times of him telling me how delicious it was ... I let out my secret. He was somewhat resistant to the idea at first because men eat beef, but now we don't cook with beef except for homemade hamburgers.

DIY - Monogrammed Aisle Runner

Finished project - day of wedding.

Lots of people that went to our wedding have asked me who I ordered my monogrammed aisle runner from.... the answer is I made it myself!

I can't take all the credit because I did see it first on Heather Drive's wedding blog Road to the Aisle. I absolutely loved the idea and though a lot of my personalization ideas went down the drain (the DIY photo booth, aisle lined with tissue poms, and slide show of baby photos) with lack of time left available and the very flighty/not quite as organized as she appeared to be venue coordinator, this was one DIY project I was not going to give up on.

It was very simple, and I designed the logo and finished the runner in one evening after work all in about 2 hours.

 

Happy Halloween!

Love, The Garcias & special guest... the caped crusader himself!

Crock Pot Friday!

After much talk and lusting after food that is not in any way healthy for us, everyone in the office decided to start "Crock Pot Friday". It could be whatever you wanted, it just had to be cooked in a crock pot.


What we came up with ::

Pictured from the top clockwise -  mac & cheese,  pulled pork, pizza dip (with chips), caesar salad,  beef enchiladas, and sweet and sour meatballs.

Kendall Lorraine Borck

Today marks my sister's adorable daughter Kendall's first birthday. In one short year she has not only stolen Ricky and I's hearts but I think the heart of every single person she smiles her fantastic squinty -eyed grin to.

 My sister has done a fabulous job raising her so far and I know she will continue to do so. I am extremely proud of my sister and what she has done so far, because it definitely hasn't been easy for her. I love them both so much and cannot wait to see what the future holds.

Here are a few of my favorite photos so far, so everyone else can also marvel at how cute she is: